Lokpal

There has been a lot of hullaboo in India about the Lokpal for most part of 2011. My thoughts about the same. Whatever that follows is my opinion alone.

What does Lokpal mean? It means "protector of the people". Then what is the Indian Police and CBI for? Are they not protecting the people? Then if we need the Lokpal, which as the demand is, we should be dissolving the police and CBI. Ask them to go home and we can have people from the Lokpal to punish all wrong-doers apart from prosecuting the politicians and bureaucrats. I don't see any sense in having a new institution for prosecuting the politicians and bureaucrats! And the biggest joke is asking the government to make the law. And you are asking a government which is already neck-deep in scams!!

If there is anything that needs to be done to protect the sanctity of the country, there should be a law to make the police and CBI above the law. They should be made independant. No politician should have any control over them. All this shifting of police commissioners, DGPs for every government change has to stop. Give them the freedom to work and protect the people, I think they are efficient enough to do the job. One there is already a set framework to select people for the job, and they have to be educated enough to do the job.

And there is one more thing that I read in the wiki about Jan Lokpal Bill. Sample this.

"Members will be appointed by judges, Indian Administrative Service officers with a clean record, private citizens and constitutional authorities through a transparent and participatory process."

Indian Administrative Service officers with a clean record? What do they mean? That the government should accept that there are officers who are corrupt in the system and we have a Judicial System which allows them to stay in service despite being corrupt? Shouldn't we aim at a law to clean up the existing system first rather than creating a system which may in all probability fall prey to the same disease - corruption?

And what is this with people following Anna Hazare and coming together for his fast and raising slogans about Jail Baro Andolan? I have nothing against Anna Hazare. I should be stupid to point a finger at him for being impractical. He is a very sensible man, who has shown to the whole of India that there are lot of corrupt politicians! We wouldn't have known otherwise, you see. We Indians always need someone to point out the obvious to us. We never seem to know that stealing, murder, rape are evils. We manage to elect the same people back to power. Take for example Shibu Soren. He has been convicted for murder but still he had become Chief Minister for his state. If you ask me, in which state is he Chief Minister? I would say "BAD STATE"!!! Can't people think?

And then there was this madam, Kanimozhi. There were banners all around Chennai when she got bail and returned home! And there were people shouting slogans!!! Has anyone thought how a person who was just a script writer in Tamil films managed to buy house in Gopalpuram (a posh locality in Chennai)?

How many of us have made it a point to apply for leave, go back home and vote when there is a state election? How many of us pay our taxes properly? How many of us put the garbage in the garbage bin? How many of us stand behind the line at Traffic signal? How many of us slow down when we see a yellow signal?

We can always say that the signals are broken, my office does not give me leave and 101 reasons for not doing our duty properly. Aren't we not tempted to pay that Rs. 100 to the policeman instead of paying Rs. 300 in court? When we get tempted to save Rs. 200, why wouldn't a politician who has lived in poverty all his life get tempted when he gets an opportunity to execute a project which is worth crores of money. That is human tendency. We have to bring a law that takes care of such mishaps from happening rather than having a new Lokpal to govern the politicians. We should be having preventive measures rather than having breakdown measures.

What needs to be done has to undergo a thorough debate. But I am sure that by having a Lokpal, we are doing a patch work rather having a permanent solution to our problem.

The art of talking to a girl - Part One

This blog is strictly for Indian guys, and there may be specific references for South Indian guys. Others please excuse. This is not a crash course for pataofy (u know wat it means!) a girl. These ideas can be used to befriend a girl. It is just a small collection from what I had done, thought I should have done, what I would have done ..... Thinking of making this a series, lets see whether I continue.

I am writing this blog, not because I am a master, not because I have/ had a string of girl friends, not beucase all girls cling on to each word I say (most of them don't, I know. Failures are stepping stones to someplace called Success). There are somethings that have worked for me, some haven't. There are some do's and don'ts. So here I go......

Never use a line. There are very few girls who fall for it, and those few are not worth the effort. Girls have this antennae which repels such guys. So be yourself and when you get a chance pick up a conversation and make it interesting. And if you want to show how smart you are, this is not the time and place. If you want to breakup then show how smart you are, that is when she will hate you and you can easily break up. And most important of all. Cut the crap!

Chivalry is always appreciated. Please!!! It doesn't harm if you could open the door for her. Pick her phone and pass it on to her (without looking into it) when she is not around. Ask her if she wants coffee when you go to the vending machine. Smile for her silly jokes (even if there are many). Compliment on her new dress, when she is looking good.

Don't waste all your time for her. Girls like it when guys spend time with them, but they also like it when guys are sincere. It does not harm when you say you have work and let them fend for themselves.

Look her in the eyes. Please guys, you need to demarcate the girls you see. One, they are friends or the like, the other is the kind you will never choose to talk to. Dont let your eyes wander. Its nasty and they know. If you want to befriend this girl, please dont let your gaze go below her eyes, leave alone her head.

Avoid her gaze sometimes. Ok, you have got an opportunity to talk to her once. Now it is not necessary to talk to her every time you pass each other. It is sometimes good to avoid her gaze and go about your work. Don't show your desperation to talk to her.

You have got talent. Everybody has got talent. You need to showcase it, not boast about it. Do it casually as if it comes naturally to you. Now please don't try reading her palm. That is a cheap trick and sometimes backfires. Ask me.

Now I think, that is a good start. Shall continue sometime later. Until then, Cheers!!!!!

Recognition or Money: What makes you happy and Why?

We had a blog competition in my company, and this was my entry.


What makes me happy? Happiness itself is a relative term. It varies from person to person. What makes me happy will not make you happy. So before going into each of the options given, I will define myself.
Who am I? If I were Jackie Chan, I would have to make a movie to know. But I am a Software Engineer, so by definition I am not supposed to know who I am and what I want. Then again I will not know what makes me happy. So 'In pursuit of Happiness' I will go with an assumption of myself.
I am a simple, down-to-earth, honest, hardworking Software Engineer (now please don't laugh) with middle class values. I want to live in a comfortable house, have enough food to eat, cover myself with decent clothes, have money to buy medicines when I or my family members fall sick, save for my marriage (if I ever find the girl), my future (:)), my kids (if I get married – remember I have Middle class values) and most importantly, in the short term, have enough money to do Tax Savings.
All this, is taken care by my company (I meant the money part). So if I come to office in the morning, work hard and be honest, all my basic needs are taken care of. Wow! Am I happy? If life were so easy, wouldn't it be great?
But there is an irritating boss to report to (I am being hypothetical here), obnoxious cubicle mates (hypothetical again), and most of all the Season that falls between February to April (sometimes gets extended to May) - Appraisals!!! The Boss is not happy with whatever I do (a la Hari Sadu), the colleagues are always complaining that they have to work late hours, and the season of doubt, anger, anxiety, frustrations (none of mine, according to the hypothesis) affect me and casts a dark shadow. I try to motivate myself. How? By working harder, by moving away from all the ills that the corporate world has to offer.
An HR friend of mine once commented "The baby that cries gets the toffee". So when I just work, work and work and don’t get affected by anything that happens around me or to me, what will my boss think? "He would anyways be happy so I will give him what he deserves, I will give the other guy an early promotion" (or such). But I being human, at this (gross) injustice will feel sad and will be drawn into the vicious circle of doubt, anger, anxiety, frustrations - which till now were not affecting me. So if I had been recognized in some way, I would be happy. So at the end of the day, whoever I am, recognition will make me happy.
So does that mean I don’t need any money? No! Because my initial assumption, I realize, is wrong. I am not simple (ask my wife!), not down-to-earth (ask my friends), not honest and hardworking (ask my Boss). I am human after all. I am made of all ingredients that Adam was infused with when he ate the apple. My needs are not simple and they cannot be satisfied by any salary, how much ever I get. For instance, today if I am happy with a Tata Nano, I will longingly look at an Indica. If I get that, I will look at a Manza. When I buy a Manza, I will look at the Aria parked in the showroom and when I buy the Aria, Tata will introduce Jaguar in India.
So being human, I need money and also Recognition. I am like a child who wants both, the candy and the toy. After all, inside every grown up, there is a kid hiding somewhere.

Indian Cricket - A farce!

On this day, as I write this article, India has moved to the second place in the Group B points table in the 2011 World Cup. There are talks that there is a slight chance that India can be ousted from the World Cup, although there is a very small chance for that to happen. TOI, in its usual way of sensationalising news, had put the whole permutation combination in its Sports Section.

Now coming to the point of calling Indian Cricket a farce. What would happen if India doesn't make the cut and fails to qualify to the Quarter-finals? The ticket sales in the stadium will come down at least half, if not more. People will be so angry that after burning the effigies of MSD, Sachin (even the God will not be spared) will lose interest till the IPL starts. A majority will not tune into Star Sports and its sister channels for another month. The rates of the ads will decrease and Star Sports will have to try very hard to keep their heads above the water. In a case where advertisement costs are as per contract for the whole tournament, all the companies are eligible to ask a refund from BCCI, ala Vijay, Rajinikanth and Pawan Kalyan returning money to their distributors for the various flop movies that they had acted in. So BCCI in all prospects will make sure that India at least reaches the Quarter Final. That will at least give some solace to the cricket crazy Indian fans.



Now coming to the point of writing this blog. All the Indian players in the various interviews they were giving said that they will be playing for India but will win the Cup for Sachin and all that crap and veterans like Kapil Dev taking time out, countered them. But as far as I am concerned all this is bull shit. The fact is these guys are not playing for the country. They are in fact playing for a company called BCCI and the Indian Government has no role in it. If they were playing for the country then at least the Sports Ministry should have directed them to go to the Asian Games which they gave a miss. These fellas have the guts to say that they feel proud when they play for the country. At least we would have got one more medal! It is a big surprise that the TOI did not take this matter and sensationalise this! And the Indian people as usual chose to ignore this. Theywill go and see the matches in full force, get lathi-charged, shout their throats dry when the trumpet sounds, colour their bodies in paint, TOI will have pictures of Deepika Padukone with Siddharth Mallaya in a match, actresses posing semi-nude with the WorldCup logo on their backs and whereever possible.

Right Lane

I am on the right lane. For once I am happy and I found myself telling my manager that I feeling like coming to office every morning. And that was an honest confession. Not that I got my promotion after coming here, I feel good and lot of things working my way. I am able to cherish this and appreciate my experience here simply because I was really unhappy in my earlier place.

Life is good and I wear a smile on my face when I wake up. I am happy that I do so. Been long since I did that!

Rambling in August 2010

Everything seemed to be working fine. Suddenly everything turned topsy turvy. Its nothing but a promotion not coming my way. In fact this would have been the first promotion I would have had after working for 6 years. I had missed an earlier promotion because I switched companies. I was feeling so excited about it. Now all the excitement is gone. To whom am I supposed to show my frustration. I showed it to my present manager, a very understanding man. He said whatever you said is right but I am not in a position to help you, as I was not your manager during the assessment period. I went and talked to my previous manager. He said I did everything I can, but the other managers did not give a positive feedback.

I am known to be a person who tries to appease everyone around me. I know I always fail. I have failed once again. The most easiest promotion one can get in my organisation just slipped through my fingers.

Again the feeling of being a misfit in the present situation is creeping into me. Why o why? I always feel, that for every step I want to take, I have to slip 3 steps. The bruises, the pain, the headache, the heartache, the anger of failure everything seems to be so known to me now. I keep getting these feelings that I am very familiar with it now. The frown on the face, the lips dipping down, the wrinkles on my forehead seem to be a permanent feature.

I get excited whenever I see light at the end of the tunnel, only to know that it is an approaching train. The fear returns. The pounding of the heart starts. The headache starts.

My friend's wife once commented. if everything is coming in your way, then you are probably in the wrong lane. Wrong lane it is. But where is my right lane? Still searching......

Vetaikaran Songs - A review

Before I start writing a review of the songs of Vetaikaran, I would like to make one thing clear. I am not a fan of Vijay and the second thing is (Ok two things) is that I have heard a lot of Vijay songs and have enjoyed a few and not enjoyed many, simply because they all sound the same.

Songs in Vetaikaran.......... What can you expect from the music album of a Vijay starrer. A lot of dhaam dhoom and danka taka danka taka. A song by song analysis...

1. Puli urumbudu
Starting off with a stanza of incomprehensible lyrics, it gives an impression of being different, but alas the danka taka star and nothing interesting after that. Sorry boss! Whoever sang this song sounded very stale.

2. Chinna Thamarai
Like many recent Vijay songs, this has some English lyrics and Tamil lyrics sounding like English. Compared to other (Vijay) songs this is melodious. But nothing interesting again.

3. Uchimandai
An typical Vijay Antony song. Danka taka again and don't even think of understanding the lyrics. Your "uchi mandai" will go surrrrrrrrr.......

4. Naan adicha
This sounds different for a change. Shankar Mahadevan rolling out another fast number. I think by protocol you are not supposed to remember a Vijay song after the movie quickly vanishes from the screens. Will be a hit and I think it is already one, but won't be remember beyond the season. A small kid sings at the last. Is Vijay's son dancing in this song? Will have to wait and see.

5. Karigalan
Vijay Antony!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is with that rolling-of-tongue-sounds in your songs!!!! What is the chorus singing your song!!!! I think this is duet song and I can imagine Anushka in a saree shaking her hips for this and of course our Vijay shaking his head instead of dancing. Somehow the guitar piece reminds me of a old song but I am not able to place it.....

6. Chinna Thamarai II
Remix!!!!! Or has my friend added the same song twice!!!! I don't see the difference.

Final Verdict : As usual nothing interesting from Vijay's film. Vijay Antony's good fortunes may rub off on the music album and a coupla songs may top the charts thanks to Vijay fans. Otherwise not worth your time to download from the internet.

Back home and for good!!!

It seems as if it was just a while ago. But it has been three years and more since I had gone to Mumbai. I feel I was a kid then. I can still imagine myself looking out of the cab window at the city that was to be my home for sometime. It was November 2004.

Being in the last year college I thought I would write my final semester exams without a job.But by God's grace I had got placed in this huge software company on April 1st. Don't know whether it was coincidence or Murphy's Law playing games with me. I had never wanted to be a software engineer but there I was, joining a software company against my wishes simply because I had no other option.

After a frustating wait for three months I joined this company and I had been posted in Mumbai after a couple of months training. I wouldn't call it training, because all we had was fun and a lot of timepass. I joined this project which was located in the heart of the city (Mumbai) and my office was at client site. Being a software engineer and being a trainee at that, I was earning a measly income and could afford a flat only in the suburbs. So had to travel the ghostly trains of Mumbai. I got a first class pass thinking that I would be able to travel at liesure. But much to my disappointment the first class was equally packed. My friend once remarked that the difference in travelling first class and second was that, you travel smelling sweat in Second class but in First class you can travel smelling a mixture of Body sprays. However gross it may sound, that was reality.

The first couple of years passed in bitching 'Bombay', making new friends, falling ill, going to new places, feeling homesick, enjoying independance, missing festivals at home, spending hours and hours in office not knowing whether it was a Saturday or a Sunday or a Monday.

I had a tough time at my job. I knew nothing of software but was put in front of the client to develop software. I had to learn the nitty gritties of software, learn new things, handle people, and think that the Boss was God. I learnt from everything and everyone. I was desparate to prove myself. To prove that I was good enough in whatever I do. (Am still trying though :)) I once was on the verge of crying that my code wasn't working!!! Now when I look back I feel like laughing!!

Then I moved to another office in Bombay. Not Bombay actually. Thane. (There is an anecdote about the travel to Thane from Bombay. They say that it took one hour to travel the distance in 1857 and after 150 years it takes the same time!!!!!!) Work was good there. Met interesting people. Talked to more interesting ones on the phone at Client site. I travelled to Amsterdam on work and saw foreign land for the first time. Life was good.

Fell in love with a girl, (the thing I thought would never happen) and convinced parents that a long distance relationship would work. (She lived in Chennai and then later in Bangalore, while I was in Mumbai and Amsterdam) Got engaged to her and decided to return to base. I shifted jobs and here I am "Bored at office" working on a Saturday simply because it is not a holiday.

Its nice to be back home, going in the same train as I did when I was in college. Eating the roasted groundnut from the vendor on the train (you may wonder, but a very close friend of mine can take a lecture on how to eat the roasted groundnut), watching auto-drivers haggle on the amount the passengers need to pay, flyovers getting constructed on practically every road possible, seeing the temples with their colourful gopurams, seeing girls wearing malligapoo (jasmine) to office!!, looking at the bike-riders hurling abuses at each other for not riding properly (though none of them ride properly) , seeing dad getting worried that I am 10 minutes late and eating mom-made idlies and so many things that fills the heart with warmth and the sense of belonging.

Its great to be back home. As namma thalaivar (our boss) has sung, "Sorgame endralum athu namma oora pola varuma!!!!" (Even if it is heaven will it be like our hometown!!!)

Namesake

Doing justice to my blog's name and my URL I am posting this. Bored at office waiting for my colleague from onsite to call, I was thinking what I should write about. A wonderful thought struck me. Why not do justice to something I had started a few years back? Why not provide a meaning to its existance? Why not scribble something. So here I go and my fingers dancing on my keyboard keys like a ballet dancer. (Ok not all that great but yeah I try to type fast intercepted with a lot of backspaces and delete keys!!!)

What is happening to this country? Shilpa Shetty and Richard Gere attend a AIDS awareness function and kiss on stage!!!! The noble cause they were promoting was long forgotten and all that is being talked about is, "The Kiss". Newspapers these days have turned tabloids that there was an article saying that Shilpa was the person who encouraged him to do so. Actually no one understands that Richard was try to demonstrate what not to do. He was actually demonstrating that you are not supposed to do anything like this. What a fitting role play and the whole nation has mistaken him. Haven't you heard of this ad "Biwi se kare wafadary. rakiye door AIDS ki bimari" For all the non-chappati-kurma guys and gals it means "Be honest to your wife and keep AIDS away from you!!!!!" Ok now dont ask me about Richrd Gere's wife and the about Shilpa's ..................

Shilpa is a bombshell I agree. After that bombshell had conquered most of the Air-Time in all the news channels it is the actual bombshells that are taking the Air-Time now (Guys there are other things that are called bombs other than .............. Somethings like .... like ... real bombs!!) There are bombs bursting everywhere at such high frequencies that the News Channels have forgotten the bobm blasts that took place in Hyderabad barely a week ago!!! Already there have been so many blasts that it has become an ordinary thing in the newspapers and no one cares to read into the article. Now people read only one thing. Which place? The rest all has become monotonous. (I know I know. Talking about bombs so casually projects me like a cold blooded criminal, but come on yaar I have already explained why I am writing this blog!!!!) (Bless the soul who invented parantheses ooph!!) (Ok that lasty one I copied from a book!!!). Ok thats the end of the gappu (in Hindi), mokkai (in Tamil). Me gotta go and catch my bus.

And to all (and especially my manager, if she ever reads this blog), I called my onsite counterpart and discussed all the issues. i.e. told him that I will send all the docs he asked tomorrow!!!!!

Life is simple, live it!!

Recently I had the chance to attend a group discussion (GD) as a part of the admission process to a B School. The result of the process is a wholly different story which will be intimated to everyone known to me sooner or later. The point in contention is the intresting topic of the GD. (Was there one???!!! Never mind). The facilitator of the GD was a old professor in psychology. Old, professor and psychology. Three things which can summarise the way my GD would have gone. Topic was not in one sentence. It was the most abstract one can give.

The topic was ..........

"What is winning all about? What will one do to win. Does winning matter in life. In which scenario can one apply winning to. Does winning alone give you happiness??..................."

Given the time line of 2 mins to think, the abstractness of the topic, the competition, the tension to perform and the old professor conducting the GD in a way a kindergarten class is taken, I had a tough time. Nevertheless the GD was over and so were my dreams of joining the institute. Now what remains is the most wonderful thing that came out of Pandora's Box, HOPE. One other thing is the thought of WINNING. Ok now don't think that I am all charged up like Rajnikanth to prove the world that I am good. I am an ordinary man. All I can do is pour out my feelings in a blog!!!

I don't understand why man made life so complicated in the first place. Why should you apply science in places where it need not be applied. Once such place is living life. Introducing psychology into an ordinary man's life and influencing him to live life differently is doing no justice to him. Have you ever thought of winning and has it ever influenced your life. Please if you have never done that you are on the right track, never do that. If you have a problem then you can use science to cure it. If you never have one please, live life and dont obfuscate things. Why do you ever think of winning or losing or the science behind it. My opinion is to do your work and let nature take its course. If you feel happy, you win. If you don't you still win, simply because you will strive to be happy and will still achieve something. Life is this simple, why do we need to unnecessarily conduct a post mortem of it.

We don't know when we will meet Mr. Death. And as far as you know practically, we have only one life. So make your life simple. Live it!!!!

Whoever said Love is blind, was Blind.......

I have and I think many of you would have, noticed ill-matched pairs and would have said love is blind. By the phrase "ill-matched" pair I mean, a beautiful girl and a not so great looking guy (for guys) and the vice-versa for girls. You would have wondered, "If this girl/guy can get a pair why can't I??". I don't know how many of you had had this feeling, but I surely have had. I have seen such pairs and have passed my expert comments about the match they make.

The other day I was getting down from the train and I noticed a pair sitting on the stone bench holding hands and smiling. I couldn't help myself from giving them a longer-than-usual glance. There soemthing unusual about the pair. They were holding hands and were smiling and talking. They both were also visually impaired too. I have heard people talk about chemistry, but there I saw. There was an unusual bondage between them. They don't know how the other person looks like. They don't know whether the other person has dark skin, long nose or big eyes. They don't know how beautifully the other person was smiling. They didn't know how the other person glowed in his/her presence. But still there was this strong bonding between them which left me spell bound. Do they ever think about all this I wonder?? We with the 2 beautiful eyes look at other people and pass our so-called "expert comments".

Looking at the visually impaired couple, my perspective towards "ill matched" couples has changed. It is always not so corporeal. Does it really matter to know what the other person looks like??? I was compelled to draw the following comparison after the eye-opening experience .I dont know how many would agree, nevertheless.......

When a pregnant lady, after the nine month ordeal, when she delivers the baby would have a feeling "The wait was really worth it". She would be thinking it is one of the most beautiful babies ever delivered in that hospital, with the nurse agreeing to it as she always does. If you look at the baby, you would find it to be a bag bones, covered with body fluids, screaming at the top of its voice and looking not-so- attractive. You look at the mother's eyes. You see love. Transpiring between 2 souls not realising what they see physically. Whoever said love is blind, was Blind.........

Ouch! that hurts!!!!

Leaving early from office I was finding it difficult to walk to the station. The shoe I was wearing was really small and my large feet were finding it difficult to accomodate in the space provided for them. My little was hurting and I was slightly limping and trying really hard not to limp. It is pretty much hard to pretend not to do when you are actually doing it. I was sulking about the rotten shoe I had worn and my feet were in great pain. But I had to walk to the station and so I continued walking without limp while was actually limping. Quite complicated thought it may be.

I reached the station and was waiting on the platform for the ever crowded train. My cribbing has reached new levels after I have come to Mumbai. I have a problem with everything I see, I do, I experience. Everything and anything about Mumbai frustates me.

The train rumbled into the station with a moderate crowd much to my surprise and I boarded the train and started listening to the radio. I was listening to a remix and tapping my foot and ouch! Ok stand still I commanded myslf, when a hand touched my arm.( I was standing near the door because thats where the radio reception is clear.) I turned and saw an elderly person standing behind me. "Matunga?" he asked me. I shook my head and moved aside. He was a man of about 70 and looked very frail. He hung his walking stick on his hand and with the support of the vertical bar he propelled himself forward. The train halted in the platform and I saw that the platform was very low and the distance between the footboard of the train and the platform was about foots space. The man slowly lowered himself and moved at a measured pace. Standing alone on the platform he looked left and right and the started to move in the direction of the stairs.

I was watching all this from the train. I started to wonder at the man. He was so frail. God knows from where he was coming. He has to climb the stairs to the bridge and then go home. At 70 when he is able to do it then why I am cribbing at 22 and that too for a defective shoe!!!!! Hmph!!!!!

And then..............

Ouch! Idiot whats the hurry? I am already in pain and this idiot beside me has to step on my foot. Idiots. Always in hurry. I hate this city. I hate what I see, what I do and I hate what I am experiencing. This awful pain in my feet.

Rotting till I die

How does a person rot to death? Now please don't think that I am a psycho. I was watching a movie in which a guy dies in a similar way. What would it be like? Chained to rocks in a dark cave, hands and legs tied, mobilty restricted to only a few centimeters, what can he do? What will be his thoughts? A attempt at getting into his shoes ...........


**** **** ****. Why did I ever do that? What was THAT? There are so many things that I did. What led me into all this?? The smuggling? The murders? the Rape? teh Treachery? the bribes? the slfishness? the money? the greed? the theft? the adultery? the lies? the copying in the exams? the forgery of dad's signature in the progress card? the mangoes in the neighbouring garden? the kid i ki9cked in the football game? WHAT IS IT? Why am I here? Where did it all start? Why does it need to end like this? Is it the ending? Or just the begining? Aaaaaah! these mosquitoes. **** they are driving me crazy. Thank God there are no rats. Wait did I just hear one?

Where was I? Aah yeah where did it all start?

Is it all my mistake?? No they are not. Why should they be my mistakes. Circumstances drove me to all this. Yeah thats tru. Circumstance, this soceity, the intitution ... all of them. Was I born bad? No!!! they changed me.

Wait. I am in a hopeless situation and still I am afraid to come in terms with the reality.There were umpteen chances for me to change and come on the right track. Or that is what they call it. Eh! Right track. Simply because that everyone says that murder is bad I am bad. Why even the judge murders so many mosquitoes sitting on that chair in the process of sentencing someone to death. Eh! hypocrates.
What is happening to me? Am I going crazy? Is the thought of death driving me crazy? No No No It is I who will drive death craxy. Yes I will do that till death will itself remove these chanins on me. Wait what did I hear? A rat???
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Eh! where was I? Wait what was the last number I counted? **** I had fallen asleep. I will have to start all over again. What have I done with my life? I had a beautiful home. Coem weekends and mom used to chase me around the backyard for the oilbath and dad used to cheer me to run. The friends I used to play cricket with and with whom I used fight with if I were out. It all started then. The others never cribbed after getting out. But it used to be fun. All the fist fights and all and only to return back for the next match. The time I spent in school flying paper planes in class. The one that was caught in the princi's hair. He he what fun it was that day. The days in college spending in the canteen and sharing one plate of the hopeless fried rice with 5 friends.

Then it started. Why should I think of it now. Oh God there it is. There is another one here. Oh God. What is that sound. Is it a truck? No it is the rain and it driving in all the rats. Oh no. Not here go there. There is nothing here. Go go go go go go go go go go. Ouch Ouch..............

Step Moms

I dont know how many have u have watched Susan Sarandon, Julia Roberts starrer Step Mom. I have watched it many times and have cried everytime I saw it. It is a kind of movie which chokes your throat and brings water to your eyes.

For many people who know me this may be a shock. I lost my mom when I was 11. A very unfortunate incident that changed our lives very much. I was young and the loss affected me much lesser than how it would have affected my dad and sister. My sister, she was there as a pillar of support. I would turn to her for everything I needed. She was very strict but thats what has brought me to what I am.

My dad remarried a few years later. There were many apprehensions to what the new lady would be like. There goes a saying that when God closes a door he opens another. For me he opened two. One was my sister's revelation as a very compassionate companion and the other was our second mother - I will not call her my step mother. She is our second mother.

She accepted us as we are and there were a few ripples at the start but they became a matter of no concern later. There is bound to be these comparisons between our moms and that is natural and human. But as the person she is she is the best and we accepted as she is. I dont remember a day when she would have scolded me. She has been very compassionate and she has been the best a second mom can be. I really thank god for what happened to us. I always keep saying that i dont have any luck in life. Maybe getting her was the best Lady Luck could do to us.

My second step mom, my sister. She is the source of my energy, my dumping ground of tempers, my idea of the best girl, my pillar, my weakness and whatever I am is what she is. She is just there whenever I want and the best thing that happened to me ever.

I will never ever complain in my life of bad luck. Lady luck has smiled her best smile at me and I should be grateful for that.

What programming does to you!!!

There were times when life was not complicated at all. I used to live life free of any worries. Exceptions were automatically handled at run-time. Waking up early had always been a problem. The sleeping thread in me will always experience a delay. But still there was this trigger from my sister which used to wake me up and i would start running. Never have i calculated the time to reach the station to go to college. I was there always there on time and catch the same train everyday. Ofcourse there were few exceptions that were properly handled in the later part of my journey when I had to take the bus to reach college on time.

College was no problems. The expected 8 hour ordeal with god-sent breaks in between. Walking to the canteen with 15Rs in the pocket never made us worry. even if there is no money there was this parallel thread running along with me Rajesh, my friend who always had the buffer to provide me the extra money i wanted. Nowadays I keep doing these frequent visits to the ATM to draw money, the three digit figure that i draw dwindling the minute i leave the place.

There were no qualms about availability of food. it is not now too. But there is always this initialising of the order to the waiter and the availability of resources to make the dish i request for. Gone are those days when my mom used to prepare meals and there was never this null pointer exception thrown.

My dad always used to say that i dont stay at home and he is not able to talk to me properly. But now I am the one waiting for the connectivity to the database of emotions(MY DAD!!!!!!!). Even he is getting held up with his own work. There is just not enough space in the bufferpool I think. So what do I do??? I ping him every now and then and then he responds after a delay.

There is used to be days when I had to answer my sister and how much I used to dread those moments. But now she is my garbage collector and that she does so perfectly fine that my mood gets refershed once i finish talking to her.

One and a half years into the software industry all I do is now exception handling and troubleshooting. I have to plan my resources and keep putting these try catches before every action i do so that there is no exception.

I have forgotten English. I have learnt JAVA (Just Another Vague Acronym).

Borivili to Lower Parel Part-I

After a damaging review from a few of my friends, I decided that I will continue blogging and improve my blogging "skills" by wrting more. Hope there are more ppl to view this blogs na pass their nasty comments.

This blog is a view of Mumbai from the crowded trains and the rare window view. My train journeys from Borivili to Lower Parel to office has inspired me to write this blog.

I was thinking for a long time to write this blog.Before I arrived in Mumbai many ppl warned me of the trains here. Having travelled in trains for 3 long years to college, I thot that it was not going to be difficult. But i was to be proved wrong.

First the crowds. Man!!!! how does a single city support such a huge population. ooph!!!!

The population is very attractive. ;) .Special mention should be made about the girls here. I have found (as I always do) that these girls here have a great attitude. They care a damn of what others think. They just do what they want to. You see them walking on the platform very silently at one instant. When it comes to boarding a train, ooooooh, NO COMMENTS!!! No words to describe that. They just push and pull and finnaly get into the train.

The next intresting thing here is the VADA PAV. I dont understand the fascination the city has for PAV. They have Vada pav,Bajji pav,Samosa pav, omlette pav. Soon there will be dosa pav also I think. Wherever u go, u get vada pav. And that too all the southies out there. VADA is not the VADAi u are thinking. They call the Potato bonda VADA here. crazy ppl.


The othe thing I noticed was the newspaper. U cannot find a single decent paper here. Being an ardent reader of THE HINDU I find the papers here really sick. No words to describe the feeling. There is no news worth reading. Thinking of reading the HINDU online these days.

There is a lot to write. After all the city is very big. More to come.

The day I transformed into Wordsworth

Dedicated to the girl who inspired the first ever decent poem in my life. After reading this please dont ask for the others. This is the first and the last......

This has a long background. I was undergoing training at Chennai in TCS. It all started off by teasing a girl trying to prove that i was the worsty flirt in the world. My accomplice in this was my inspiration for the poem to follow.

We were about to get our postings later during the day and I was sure that it was not my day after the test I had given. So emotions began to pour and hence the poem......

Wherever you go I shall go,
Wherever you go my heart shall go,
You may get your choice,
And I may lose my voice.
But,
Wherever you go my heart shall go.

Ready to catch the bricks and the rotten tomatoes you throw. Pls post ur views